Midnight conversations with Jess
Call it insomnia, a creative brain that won't shut off or weird sleep patterns, whatever it is, I am normally up at 3 am. In my never ending fight to conform to society's norms, every night I lay in bed somewhere between midnight at 2 am hoping to be like everyone else...fast asleep.
This habit of mine has caused me to stumble upon the most magical tradition in my parenting journey. During those hours I often pull Jess into my arms and hug her. I have learnt that she doesn't wake easily so I kiss her like if we were playing in bed. I play with her hair and even do the little "nosey thing." I often even speak to her. And of late she has started speaking back. I must confess that I have started kinda waking her so that she can hear and now that I've realized that she responds while still "asleep" I converse more boldly now. Last she washed the dirty juice mug, made juice then went to bed. My head was in the laptop so I didn't really hear her tell me she did that, so shamefully I have to admit that I did not celebrate her initiative. At 3 am I opened the fridge to look for munchies and there was the mug of juice. It tasted so good too... I went into the room and held her in my arms. I smelled her as I always do as I embraced her. I thanked God as I always do and I shook my head in disbelief.....as I always do. I whispered in her ear, "I tasted your juice. It was soooo good. I am so proud of you. I really don't know what I did to deserve a daughter like you" She sleepily threw her arm around me and drew me in closer. With her fingers still in her mouth she replied "you were just being you." She never remembers our midnight conversations so I'm not sure how much they actually impact her. Maybe they are more for my benefit than for hers. Maybe they are God's way of sending me peace and a constant reminder that this world is still worth fighting for. I still would like to think that somewhere buried deep inside her soul, are our midnight love moments, and they help to mold her into the most wonderful human being that I have ever had the privilege of knowing.
