I Love Being a Bad Mom
This week I decided to be delinquent and leave the kid at home to watch "Bad Moms" in the cinema with the girlies (in my case, only one person is a loser enough to want to lime with a mom on a Monday).
Within five minutes of the show she whispered that I was soooo Amy. Well imagine how hurt I was when I discovered Amy was the leader of the Bad Moms.
While Rayna was identifying me as Amy I had already found my real life Gwendolyn. Sad that such human beings exist, even sadder that they're the "Good Moms."
Last year Jess and I decided that she'd only do two days of extra curricular activities. Why? Because I did not feel like driving and sitting through any more than that and she felt like having an afternoon off doing nothing but eating junk and watching movies. So now, that's what we do. Two days a week I coach, two days a week I sit through her stuff and the other day we snuggle up, eat junk, watch a movie and play the "no, I love you more" competition.
Earlier this year Jess got burnt. The "Good Moms" all wondered what in the world was she doing making her own hot chocolate while the "Bad Moms" all had a similar story.
But I guess the ten year old kids we admire on "Chopped Junior" all got there by watching their moms make breakfast for them.
I home-school Jess. The best part of it for both of us is the fact that she gets up no earlier than 9 am. And when she boasts to her friends of her weeknight 10 pm bedtime I can feel the stares. Oh well. What can I say, I need her to sleep in so I can have a few extra hours to prep for the day before we become white on rice.
Some days we skip school all together and go to the beach (our version of the mud bath scene). We have smoothies and she gives me the run down of her life and she asks me all about my love life. It is at these moments that I realize how many questions these kids have bottled up inside and how delinquent am I for indulging in such honest conversation with my six year old.
I guess I have always dreamed of being the kind of mom that's so bad the world watches and questions. I dream of being a mom so bad that the course on which I trod has never been taken. A mom so bad that my legacy be known forever.
For what it's worth the movie was funny as hell and made me feel on top of the world and ultra secure in my "Bad Mom" heels.
