The day my daughter told me she kissed a girl
My blogs are always inspired by real life events. Sometimes conversations overheard, situations witnessed and in this case, experienced first hand. Jess came to me this morning to confess something that had been really bothering her. Something she did all the way back before she was home-schooled. First of all, thank God for placing the desire in her heart to confess. And thank God for a calm spirit in handling her confession. I know through my own experiences that repetitive honesty is only possible when a parent handles confessions calmly and with love. To confess is sometimes in itself a consequence. It takes a lot out of someone to fess up and say I am sorry, I was wrong. This one seemed big. She was in tears, but I knew I needed to help her get it out. 1. So I can know and treat with accordingly and 2. Because there is healing in confession. I suggested just blurting it out then walking away. I assured her that there will be no consequences as the action occurred several years ago. I explained that God obviously put it in her heart to confess it to her mom and all the benefits that would come as a result of it.
Still nothing, tears came to her eyes and even with a hug she could not get it out.
I suggested going in her room, locking the door and sending me a note on what's app. That worked. I got a one liner. She blurted it out. She was kissed by a little girl in her then class.
I could not just let it go without a conversation. I am armed with enough information to know that things like that can have effects well into adulthood.
I sent her a reply "It's okay, it happened a long time ago" Our first response sets the tone for the rest of the conversation.... I stood by the door and gently asked if I may speak and suggested that we can do it on opposite sides of the door.
The physical barrier gave her a sense of safety and helped me to not do anything stupid if she said something that triggered an inappropriate response to my feelings of fear, anger and deep sorrow. I helped her through handling peer pressure. We spoke about avoiding being in private, even with best friends that she thinks have the same value system as herself.
Sometimes standing up for yourself is tough, so we should aim to give alternatives.
Staying in public and being in groups is the first rule to risk avoidance. That rule will serve her well for many years to come. A teen girl has a better chance at purity the fewer her instances of being alone with a guy.
Finally, I thanked her for her honesty, we hugged and prayed.
Parents.....be vigilant.
The stats are there but we ignore them for fear and for convenience. Curiosity in toddlers is very common, but what is even more common and scarier is the blind eye parents turn to this fact - the unwillingness to admit it and face the issue head on. Their curiosity only peakes with age and the experiments will get riskier and riskier. They need you to help them navigate this journey well prepared and without judgement. If you do not show them the risks involved from a place of love, their experiences can scar them for life.
I pray that my journey helps you on yours and that my lessons can be yours. I put myself out there. I risk being ridiculed because I know that stories effect change more than lectures ever can. So that you may learn as I learn.
